God has called me Anna

 Some years ago, I walked into a women's Bible study meeting, and the guest speaker stopped and looked at me and said, "God calls you Anna."  I was truly shocked by this, so when I went home I looked up the story of Anna in my Bible.

"And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, tribe of Asher.  She was advanced in years, having lived with a husband seven years after her marriage and then as a widow to the age of 84.  And she never left the temple, serving night and day with fastings and prayers.  And at that very moment she came up and began giving thanks to God and continued to speak of Him to all those who were looking for the redemption of Jerusalem."  Luke 2:36-38

I am NOT a prophetess by any stretch of the imagination.  I did look up the meaning of her name, which is from the Hebrew Channah, which means "favored."  I certainly do not feel as though I am favored, in the sense of special, in any way either.  But it has stuck with me through the years as a very special moment.  Adding to the special meaning of the name to me, my son named his first child "Anna," without any knowledge of that incident in my life.

However, as I was recently reminded of that evening and the name, I once again looked up the name in my dictionary and I found that the name is based on the Hebrew word chanan, which means "Properly, to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior."  And as I think of it, that is so apt!  

My very first memory of my life was standing in a church foyer as my dad was talking to the pastor.  And I looked up and saw a picture (the traditional image we older folks grew up with) of Jesus.  And I remember, it was such a magical moment.  And as I think of it, it is almost as though in that moment, Jesus kneeled down to me to let me know that He knew me, to reveal Himself to me.

That has been such a theme throughout my life.  I am no one of any consequence.  My accomplishments are few if any in this life, yet God the Father, the Son, and the Spirit have continued throughout my life to come along side me and to gently, kindly encourage me, revealing Themselves to me through the Word of God, through the loving people They have brought into my life, through circumstances and experiences that have been so blessed far beyond anything I could have imagined.  And I might add, all of this despite my constant battles with depression and failure.

Do you know, I cannot imagine a more loving, encouraging, and tenderhearted God that the One who has revealed Himself to me time and time again, Who made the most unimaginable sacrifice to make that possible, and Who continues to love me despite who and what I am.  

Thank You Father God!  Thank You Lord Jesus Christ!  Thank You Holy Spirit!  

Journalling!

 Yesterday and today, I participated (listened in on) a presentation at work regarding Data Management.  What I expected to be a learning experience on tools and methods, was more of a high level update on state level data management projects.  Needless to say, not exactly an exciting presentation for someone at my level.

But, as I sat listening, I happened to see one of my journals lying near to hand and so I picked it up.  The dates of the journal are from 1997, less than a year after my divorce and a difficult time for myself and my children.  As I began paging through the journal, I was reminded of things that happened during that time that I had totally forgotten about: the financial difficulties, the emotional struggles, and the worries about the future.  I also came upon some things that reminded me of God's loving care for us during this time as always.

There are a few reasons that I am sharing this, in no particular order.  You may be so totally different from me and have no inclinations to journal whatsoever, but if you have ever considered it, I HIGHLY recommend it.  Oh, the amazing power of being able to return to an instant in the past to revisit that situation with the knowledge of how it resolved and what it brought to your life.  It is so amazing and comforting to see how God has worked through the things that were so difficult, bring you through, and even bless you by those trials.

But of even greater interest to me at the moment, is the ability to commune with God that I once enjoyed, even during a stressful and trying time of my life.  And then to recognize that I have lost that ability over the past 10 years or so.  Oh, how I miss it!!!  How I long to hear Him again, to experience His tangible presence.

One of the problems, I think is that I am no longer connected to the body of Christ as I once was.  Over at least the past 10 years, I have isolated myself and withdraw from fellowship.  And it hasn't been until this moment that I have recognized all that that withdrawal has cost me.  Not only did I retreat from fellowship, but also from my fellowship with God Himself.  Oh, I did still believe and pray, but the day-by-day fellowship and recognition of Him died off as my active participation in the body ended.

I would not have realized this, had I not been able to look back to the relationship I once had with Him as recorded in the journal.  And so, I am pausing to consider the importance of not only going to church, but of becoming an active participant in a church that supports and encourages not just a religious lifestyle, but the powerful, life-changing relationship to God and to His body/His church/His family that enables, empowers, and gives direction for living in this world as His image-bearer, His hands and feet.

I am not sure that this post is well-thought out and organized, and I don't have the time at the moment to edit.  Suffice it all to say, that if you are in any way disposed to writing, I HIGHLY recommend you begin or maintain a journal (or you can call it a diary).   And I recommend that you occasionally take/make the time to go back through that journal/diary to remind yourself of where you have been, where you are, and how you got here.  My personal journal is combined with my Bible study notes.  So I have both a personal record of my life experiences as well as a record of the lessons that I have learned through the word of God.  Priceless!!!

I will be praying for a relationship with a fellowship of believers who will help me to make my way back into the fullness of God's Spirit!!  Oh, how I miss it!!! 

The Rest of the Sabbath

At the Bethesda pool, Jesus asked the invalid man, "Do you want to be made well?"

7  The sick man answered Him, 'Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me."

8  Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your bed and walk."

9  Immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.  And that day was the Sabbath.

10  The Jews therefore said to him who was cured, "It is the Sabbath; it is not lawful for you to carry your bed."

11  He answered them, "He who made me well said to me, 'Take up your bed and walk' "

12  Then they asked him, "Who is the Man who said to you, 'Take up your bed and walk?' "

13  But the one who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, a multitude being in that place.

14  Afterward Jesus found him in the temple, and said to him, "See, you have been made well.  Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you."

15  The man departed and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well.

16  For this reason the Jews persecuted Jesus, and sought to kill Him, because He had done these things on the Sabbath.

17  But Jesus answered them, "My Father has been working until now, and I have been working."
(John 7:7-17)


1  Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished. 

2  And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.

3  The God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.
(Genesis 2:1-3)


The Sabbath was made holy because on it, the Lord rested from His work of creation.  But in John, Jesus says that God has been working all along, and that He Himself has also been working.

This speaks to me of God, having finished His creation, rested with His creation.  His first man and woman, Adam and Eve, were set in a garden where they could simply eat from the trees and in which God would meet with them.  Such a picture of peace and rest and contentment.

However, sin entered into our world when Satan tempted Eve.  And I believe this quote of Jesus in John is saying that God has been working for redemption of His creation, with Jesus working along with Him and being the Key to God's plan and purpose.

It can be so easy to imagine God as seated on His throne so very far from us, perhaps too far to be touched by what is happening here on earth.  There is an interesting song sung by Bette Midler, which I believe is called "From a Distance."  I don't remember all of it, but it says that from God's distance from earth, things look so much better than they really are.

Actually, after reading this, I imagine God the Father and His Son here among us all this time, working to accomplish the goal of redemption of His creation.

You might say, "Well, couldn't He just speak a word and change everything."  Yes, He could.  But then where would be the freedom to choose that He blessed us with?  The freedom that allows us to choose Him, to choose to love Him, to choose to obey Him, to choose to follow Him ... or not.  And where would be His justice?  "The wages of sin are death."  For Him to speak a word to undo all the wrong, where does His word stand?

But I also thought about us.  What would we learn by His just "fixing" everything with a word?

Satan's lie to Eve was that man could choose better that what God intended for them.  If God had spoken that word and undone the sin of Adam and Eve, how would they know, how would we know, that our way isn't best.  Would we truly understand what a vast difference there is between God's wisdom and ours?  Would we ever understand that God's commandments are not just the legalisms of a domineering sovereign, but rather they are boundaries to protect us?

And so, I believe God has been working toward that day of redemption.  Yet, He does so in very subtle ways.  All the while allowing man to have his way, and to see where that way leads.
     war     bloodshed     murder     pollution     hatred     selfishness     divisions     deviousness
     plotting     abortion - murder of the most innocent 

But I believe we also see God at work in those who give, love, sacrifice, heal, teach, rescue, build up, pray, prophesy, and declare the truth.  All the while He moves upon hearts and minds, moving us all toward His rescue and rec-creation of all things.  Returning His creation because of the finished work of Christ Jesus on the cross, to the perfect rest of that original Sabbath and to that garden life.  Even the lion will lie down beside the lamb in peaceful rest.

They Believed

1 When therefore the Lord knew how the Pharisees had heard that Jesus made and baptized more disciples than John,
2 (Though Jesus himself baptized not, but his disciples,)
3 He left Judaea, and departed again into Galilee.
4 And he must needs go through Samaria.
5 Then cometh he to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.
6 Now Jacob's well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour.
7 There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink.
8 (For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.)
9 Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.
10 Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.
11 The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?
12 Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle?
13 Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:
14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
15 The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw.
16 Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither.
17 The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband:
18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.
19 The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet.
20 Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.
21 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father.
22 Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews.
23 But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.
24 God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
25 The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things.
26 Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am he.
27 And upon this came his disciples, and marvelled that he talked with the woman: yet no man said, What seekest thou? or, Why talkest thou with her?
28 The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men,
29 Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?
30 Then they went out of the city, and came unto him.
31 In the mean while his disciples prayed him, saying, Master, eat.
32 But he said unto them, I have meat to eat that ye know not of.
33 Therefore said the disciples one to another, Hath any man brought him ought to eat?
34 Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.
35 Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest.
36 And he that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and he that reapeth may rejoice together.
37 And herein is that saying true, One soweth, and another reapeth.
38 I sent you to reap that whereon ye bestowed no labour: other men laboured, and ye are entered into their labours.
39 And many of the Samaritans of that city believed on him for the saying of the woman, which testified, He told me all that ever I did.
40 So when the Samaritans were come unto him, they besought him that he would tarry with them: and he abode there two days.
41 And many more believed because of his own word;
42 And said unto the woman, Now we believe, not because of thy saying: for we have heard him ourselves, and know that this is indeed the Christ, the Saviour of the world.
43 Now after two days he departed thence, and went into Galilee.
44 For Jesus himself testified, that a prophet hath no honour in his own country.
45 Then when he was come into Galilee, the Galilaeans received him, having seen all the things that he did at Jerusalem at the feast: for they also went unto the feast.
46 So Jesus came again into Cana of Galilee, where he made the water wine. And there was a certain nobleman, whose son was sick at Capernaum.
47 When he heard that Jesus was come out of Judaea into Galilee, he went unto him, and besought him that he would come down, and heal his son: for he was at the point of death.
48 Then said Jesus unto him, Except ye see signs and wonders, ye will not believe.
49 The nobleman saith unto him, Sir, come down ere my child die.
50 Jesus saith unto him, Go thy way; thy son liveth. And the man believed the word that Jesus had spoken unto him, and he went his way.
51 And as he was now going down, his servants met him, and told him, saying, Thy son liveth.
52 Then enquired he of them the hour when he began to amend. And they said unto him, Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him.
53 So the father knew that it was at the same hour, in the which Jesus said unto him, Thy son liveth: and himself believed, and his whole house.
54 This is again the second miracle that Jesus did, when he was come out of Judaea into Galilee.  John 4

Sorry, I know that that is a lot to read, It was two days worth of my study.  However, I wanted to share something that my study book brought up.

We have two stories here, the story of Jesus among the Samaritans, and the story of Jesus and the official from Capernaum.  So what was it that let the Samaritans and the Official to believe in Jesus?  I believe it was two different things as described in this chapter, but I won't answer it for you.  You answer may differ from mine, and mine may not be right.

But the second part of the question is what got me this evening.  "What aspect of the Lord's character or power led you to Him?"

My answer:

I think I originally believed because I saw Jesus as One who loved me.  My earliest memory is standing in the church entrance, holding my dad's hand as he talked with someone, and looking up at the picture of Jesus on the wall.  I'm sure you know the one I mean.  It was everywhere back in the day.  Jesus appeared to be so strong and yet gentle and kind.  Then there were the songs my mom sang to my brother and I as lullabies, "In the Garden" and "What a Friend We Have in Jesus."  I had a sense of Jesus being so full of loving kindness, of His being approachable and always with me.

Much later, when I learned to read His Word, I actually felt Him talking to me very personally through it, and even more so when I was filled with Holy Spirit.

That personal, approachable, loving Jesus Christ just has me!  Where else could I find any thing or any One comparable.  But beyond that, He is also all about taking a useless sinner and making her into a new creation.  From a pig in a sty (so to speak) to a grace-filled, loving, and holy child of God, walking in His will and His ways.  This is God as I have come to know Him through the years.  He is the One in whom I can confide and who is not silent; He speaks and He teaches.  And He loves me, so much so that He will not willingly leave me walking comfortably in sin and shame.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer

So I wonder, what aspect of Jesus character or power drew you to Him originally, or what is it that continues to draw you to Him?

Fiery Darts

Sometimes it is so difficult to understand life.  You know, I want to be a person whom God can use and minister to others through.  But then, the times that I feel He may have used me, I feel as though I am fooling myself and being prideful, which makes me want to pull back.  Besides all this, there is the fear that perhaps that I am ministering untruth because after all, what do I know about anything?

Perhaps this has to do with some of those "fiery darts" of the enemy that are shot at us from time to time.

I really, truly do not know what is going on in my heart.  It is so difficult to know whether I am being honest and forthright, or just deluding myself in some way, trying to be someone I am not.

All I can do is continue to turn to God, put it all at His feet and do my best to follow and obey.  But I can also try to figure out how to wield this thing called "the Shield of Faith."  It is awfully big and heavy to lift.  Those fiery darts come in so fast and furious.  On top of all that, I am not at all watchful and prepared for his attacks.

So, I have a choice:  Retreat once more in to my self-imposed isolation where I don't have to face the judgments (or PERCEIVED judgments) of others -- not to mention my own agonizing self-judgment.  Or, continue to seek the Lord, and to follow Him as best I can, realizing and accepting that I will make mistakes.  And trusting that if I am a useless or unfitting tool, the Master will set me aside or fix me as He sees fit.

Lord, I lay it all at Your feet.  I am willing to be used if You have use for me.  But, You know the doubts, fears, and self-condemnation that assail me.  I simply ask You to lead me and guide me in to way You want me to go, either solitary or in relationship with others.  Have mercy on me when I fall flat on my face, please help me to get up again and continue to follow where You lead.

Is this a new beginning?

So, today, my life is beginning to bud!

Yesterday, I had such a feeling of being on the road to death.  And, I think that for quite a long time now I have been just barely alive.  I have been very slowly closing down bit by bit.  Withdrawing from life and fellowship, from fellowship with God, from the very basics of living, I had come to the point that I felt even physically on the road to death. 

But I remembered reading a passage of Scripture in Ephesians:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”  Eph. 5:14

So, I prayed for God's Spirit to rouse me and to raise me up from this death I was living.  Can I say, I feel like a new person today? 

He is being so gentle and kind to me.  And by His Word and His Spirit, He is speaking directly to my needs.  He has encouraged me by the words of my daughter-in-love to begin writing again after I had asked him for leading in this area.  What a joy it is!  I have been so under condemnation in so many areas of my life, including in my joy of expressing myself through writing. 

And so, all this is to say that I feel as though I am rousing from this deadness and once again I am feeling a hope and an anticipation for the future.  For the first time in a long time, I am beginning to look to a future the beckons to me.  "Come on, get up, brush yourself off.  Let's go!  There is still a lot to do, a lot to experience, a lot to give, a lot to receive!"

I am getting old!

Wait, wait!!  I am not getting old, I am old, 62-years-old as of last week!  YAY!

I don't mind so much getting old.  Life slows down.  No children to chase, cook for, clean up after.  And because I work from home, I have a VERY laid-back lifestyle.  It's good, especially since I am having some health issues right now.

I don't consider them serious.  My ever-present back ache caused by arthritis has been with me for some time now.  And I have sleep apnea, which has been under control with my cpap.  However, I have had this machine for quite a long time and either the machine is not working as it should or my condition has worsened.  UGH!  Can I just say, I am exhausted!  I sleep, I sleep alot.  But I think I am more active and work harder in my dreams than I do when I am awake.  And oh, my goodness, my dreams are like detailed novels.  (That was what finally made me realize that I am not sleeping well.)

A new problem has also popped up.  I believe it is tendonitis in my ankles.  I had x-rays yesterday, so just waiting to find out if that is what it is or not.  But it is quite painful.  Going through lots of ice.

Yep, I am definitely getting old.  This old house has seen better days.  And I know, I have not been the best tenant.  But I have such a wonderful life.  God has blessed and protected me in so very many ways, despite the fact that I have been careless and done so many stupid things in my life.  And He has surrounded me all through my life with such wonderful and amazing folks, from my family and friends to the people I have met in the day to day.

So, despite the fact that I am old and things are starting to run down, wear out, and just HURT, I am happy and content.  God is good.  And the best thing of all, the cream on top of everything, is that I can never remember a day in my life when God hasn't been there, very personally, in my life.  Even my earliest memories are of learning about Him and believing in Him.  Yep, yep, yep, I am more than content, I am happy!  Life is good because God is good.

Love and blessings,
Ev